So it's only noon, here are some notes on my day so far.

If your gym workout playlist consists largely of nasty gangsta rap and other things pulled of the "gentleman's club mix" on Itunes, and you are prone to singing under your breath, you should not work out in the "women only" section of the gym. Mumbling, "Heels strapped around her ankles...call that bitch Bojangles" while powering through the elliptical machine workout gets nothing but nasty looks under those circumstances.

Also if your playlist is gangsta rap, be prepared to have said songs stuck in your head all day. To me, they sound like nothing but, "Cracka lacka wacka cracka, bitch fucking ass like a salt shaker, unnnnnh". Consequently, this is what I've been singing all day. At least I'm amusing myself?

Self tanner has a very distinctive smell. Even after it's faded from your skin you can smell it in your crevices....uh, like um, your wrists and stuff. You shouldn't put self tanner in your other crevices. That's probably a bad idea.

I got a new jar of mayonnaise today and that little tab on the lid wouldn't open. It would have been probably a better idea to just stab into the top of it with a butter knife and then twist the knife, pulling the safety seal off. This is what I usually do. For some reason, in my post gym haze, I decided I should open it with my teeth.

I latched onto the thing like a terrier, gnawing and pulling and shaking the jar. With a pop the seal came off, as the mayonnaise bukkaked my face. I took the foil seal out of my mouth and stood there with a shocked expression on my face, covered in mayo as my roommate walked in.

"Uhhhhhh." He pondered me, "Good morning?"

I nodded slowly, wiping my face clean, the shock fading from my expression. "Mayonnaise." I explained.

He gave a look like this explained nothing at all and, took something from the fridge and left the room wordlessly. It was only later that I realized how responding, "Mayonnaise" really DIDN'T explain anything.

Tags: bukakke, gangsta rap, gym, isobel wren, self tan